Far Away
by AKA DD
Summary: At night, all she could hear was the steady, rhythmic sound of his heart beating inside of her. Just a reminder of what she had tried so hard to forget: She had loved him all along. MZack


**DISCLAIMER: CAMERON/EGLEE AND FOX OWN DARK ANGEL. I JUST PEE IN THEIR POOL.**

**A/N: This is for Kiwilass.**

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_This time, This place  
Misused, Mistakes_

Max stared out of her window, leaning her forehead against the cool window pane, feeling the tiny pulses of raindrops that splashed against the glass. She couldn't sleep again tonight.

…_I've got a heart for you…_

She kept hearing his voice in her head. It was a latent memory, one that she didn't remember living through. But that was because she had been dead when he'd said those words.

But he had given her his heart, and his heart remembered. Its every beat inside of her reminded her of him.

She shook her head and took a step away from the window. Refocusing her eyes, she stared at her reflection in the glass instead. The tears were disguised just like raindrops, trailing slowly down the pane.

She reached a hand to her face and carelessly wiped them away. She turned around to face her room, and suddenly, it just felt empty. He had been in this room so long ago, crying in her arms.

It had brought her to his knees in front of him—the sight of this soldier, so strong and confident, with tears in his eyes. They had held each other on the floor, crying over the horrors he had suffered.

Crying over his death.

Crying over his Frankenstein-like resurrection.

He only ever cried in front of her. He only ever let his guard down for her. He had trusted her that much. He had loved her that much.

"I'm so sorry," she said softly into the still air.

She was sorry that she had sent him away. Sorry that she hadn't been strong enough to love him the way he loved her. Sorry that she was too scared of that kind of all-consuming love.

But at night, all she could hear was the steady, rhythmic sound of his heart beating inside of her.

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_Too long, Too late  
Who was I to make you wait  
_

Four weeks ago, she had sat in an uncomfortable hospital bench as he was wheeled away from her. She had done nothing to stop him from leaving. She had taken the easy way out.

Four weeks ago, she had forsaken him. She had denied him a part of her life when he had given her his whole life. That wasn't something that she could just take back.

Four weeks ago, she'd made a mistake. And somehow, she felt like it was all too late to make things right. She couldn't just walk into his life and destroy it all over again. How many chances did one get to make things right?

Four weeks ago, and it still felt like it had just been yesterday. The pain of letting him go kept her awake each night. And she knew that the pain would never go away—it throbbed in his heart, and it kept her alive.

Four weeks ago it had been too much too soon, yet too little too late.

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_Just one chance  
Just one breath  
Just in case there's just one left  
_

"How could you do it?" asked Alec, leaning languidly against the doorframe of her room. There was a casual, almost nonchalant air about his stance, but his words were pointed and his gaze was probing.

Max looked at him guardedly, as she pulled her bike gloves on. She made her way towards her door purposefully, but he didn't move. She pushed past him forcefully, hitting his shoulder, forcing him to at least turn sideways to let her pass. "Do what?"

"Send him away." He said. He snapped his fingers, "Just like that."

She glared at Alec over her shoulder as she pulled on her boots. "That's none of your business, Alec."

He shrugged, but didn't let the issue drop. He walked over to the kitchen and opened a pot, sniffing the contents. "I'm just saying, y'know. You keep telling me how he's family…how you care about him…how he's your brother," he said, wrinkling his nose at the concoction OC had made for dinner last night. "Which, I'm not sure if I told you this yet, is really cute. Strange, but cute."

"What's your point, Alec?" she sighed, standing with her hands on her hips.

Alec replaced the lid on the pot and looked at Max straight in the eye. "You shouldn't have sent him away." He said, completely serious.

"I did it for his own good. To protect him." She insisted.

Alec walked past her and grabbed his own bike gloves which he had tossed onto one of the side tables when he dropped by this morning. "I think you did it to protect yourself," he said, not looking at her, but instead focusing intently on slipping each finger perfectly into the glove.

"That's not true," she whispered, but her tone was unconvinced.

Alec opened the door and stepped onto the hallway, ready to go to work. "The way I see it, there's only one truth,"

Max trailed slowly behind him, her expression apprehensive. "Yeah, what's that?"

Alec looked at her over his shoulder, his green eyes sad. "He died for you."

And it was like she couldn't breathe.

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_'Cause you know,  
you know, you know  
_

I call your name when I cry.**_I_**

I scream at the heavens above,**_love_**

Wishing that you knew.**_you_**.

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_**The section above is written in Echo Verse, where the words in bold are said in echo after the last word in each line of the poem.**_

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_That I love you  
I have loved you all along  
_

Max sat atop the Space Needle remembering.

She realized painfully how few her memories of him were. But she remembered everything vividly, perfectly. Like taking a series of still frames and stringing them together.

She saw his stoic twelve-year-old face, directing each member of her Unit through their escape that frozen night.

His roughly-hewn angular face that never broke into a smile, even while everyone around him stood laughing at something funny.

His piercing blue eyes that remained watchful and protective through all hours of the day.

How he had loved each one of them differently—the way their identities dictated the kind of love. He was father, brother, friend, commander, enemy, and lover.

She saw the memory of him walking away, his hands cuffed. He had turned himself in for her. He had chosen to go back to Manticore to let her keep her freedom. He had faced his worst nightmare just so she could be free to love someone else.

But it was all so clear now. Each shot of her photographic memory just reminded her of what she had tried so hard to forget: that she loved him. She had loved _him_ all along.

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_And I miss you  
Been far away for far too long  
_

I said my first goodbye to you when I was nine. You insisted that we had to separate. I cried inside, I died inside. But you told me to be strong. I searched for you for years. And when I found you, I held on to you like I would never let go.

But you left me, and I had to say goodbye again.

When you came back to take me away, I should have gone with you. But you looked at me with those blue eyes, you touched me with those hands, and you smiled at me with that rare smile—and you weren't my brother anymore. And I was scared.

This time I left you, and I said goodbye one more time.

Then, I died and I couldn't say goodbye.

But you gave me your heart…and you gave me a chance…

To say goodbye once again.

And then, you were standing in front of me with your gun and blank eyes. They had taken me away from you, but you found your way back. You remembered, and I felt alive again.

And again, you looked at me with those blue eyes, you touched me with those hands, you held me in your arms…and you cried for me with those tears. And you still loved me, even when I already had your heart.

And that scared me.

So I said goodbye again, sending you away.

Only, I killed a part of me, too. Because I know that in your mind, there is no more me. I'd been completely erased from your life, as if I had never existed. And maybe, you'll be at peace.

You don't know me, but I belong to you heart and soul.

And you would never find out.

Because for the last time, I said goodbye.

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**A/N2**: Kiwi, hope you liked this. Notice I never say his name once in the entire thing? LOL…yeah, it's all artistic. It's not like I just…forgot. Right. The little quotes on the top are from a song called "Far Away" by Nickelback. It's the entire first verse, plus a part of the chorus. I tried to write each little blurb in a different style with a different tone. I hope it worked. I'll never try this again. It was fun while it lasted.


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